Should You Help With Homework?
How Much Should You Help Your Child With Their Homework?
It’s rather apparent that you shouldn’t do your child's homework for them, right? The question of how much parental involvement is beneficial is not answered simply. Being able to do homework can be part of the process of developing independence. For some kids, this is not an area of struggle; however, for many it is a huge source of stress. How do we cultivate a healthy parent-child relationship, while at the same time ensure that our children develop academically? Drawing from clinical experience and academic research, this article aims to guide parents in determining how and when to assist their child with homework.
The Pros of Helping With Homework
Supports Learning: When parents engage with their child's homework, they provide additional explanations and examples to help clarify complex concepts. This reinforces what is taught in school, potentially leading to better academic performance.
Boosts Confidence: Children often feel more confident when their parents show interest in their schoolwork. This encouragement can motivate them to tackle challenging assignments and persist in facing difficulties.
Identifies Learning Gaps: Through homework assistance, parents can identify areas where their child may be struggling and intervene early, seeking additional resources or tutoring if necessary.
Promotes Time Management: By overseeing homework sessions, parents can help their children develop good study habits and time management skills, which are ultimately more important for lifelong success.
The Cons of Too Much Help
Hinders Independence: Overly involved “helicopter” parents can prevent children from developing the ability to solve problems on their own, which is an essential skill for academic and life success.
May Increase Anxiety: Children might feel pressured to meet their parents' expectations, leading to anxiety and stress. This can be particularly damaging if parents are overly critical or their involvement is perceived as intrusive. Often, we as parents do not realize when we are adding to the pressure kids feel.
Potential for Conflict: Homework can become a battleground when parents are overly involved, leading to conflict, resentment, and a negative association with learning.
Limits Critical Thinking: When parents give too many answers, they rob their children of the opportunity to think critically and develop problem-solving skills. When we rush in too quickly with a solution, we can actually steal the “aha” opportunity from our child, and the self confidence they achieve from figuring it out.
Finding the Balance
Be a Guide, Not a Solver: Encourage your child to attempt homework independently, offering guidance rather than providing answers. Ask open-ended questions to lead them toward finding solutions, such as "What do you think the next step is?" or “Can you think of another way to look at it?”
Create a Positive Environment: Establish a regular homework routine in a quiet, well-lit space without distractions. Being physically present without directly intervening can offer your child the support he or she needs while promoting independence. You can help them identify what resources they can use to figure out a problem.
Allow Communication: Discuss homework with your child to promote autonomy. Encourage them to express when they need help, and to articulate what they don't understand.
Know When to Step Back: Recognize when your child needs to struggle to learn effectively. It's okay to have only some of the answers, and to let them explore solutions independently or with the help of their teacher.
Seek External Resources: If your child consistently struggles with homework, consider external resources like tutoring, study groups, or talking to their teacher for additional support strategies.
The Test
The reality of homework can be far different from the casual advice suggested above. Often, there are deadlines, and stress erupts to create a level 10 event. You’ll need to figure out what type of alarm is sounding, and make adjustments accordingly. Notice if there are always sirens going off around homework time, to determine if your child is carrying too much anxiety on a regular basis. You do not want school, homework, and general learning to be a negative experience for your child. There could be an outside chance that the class or school isn’t a great fit for your child. In this day and age, there are a lot more options for alternative settings and educational models. One size does not fit all, and we may need to look outside the box.
Kimberley Arnett-DeSimone, a career pediatric occupational therapist in Huntersville, North Carolina, authored this post.
