Should You Parent The Way You Were Raised?
One of the most enlightening aspects of my work is observing the vast array of methods parents use to raise their children, many of which are influenced by their upbringing. It's natural to parent the way we were, as these experiences form our earliest and often most deeply ingrained notions of what parenting entails. However, the world has changed significantly, and our upbringing may not always be the best approach for raising our children today. This article explores why adapting and sometimes departing from inherited parenting styles can benefit our children's well-being and development.
Understanding the Evolution of Childhood
The first step in assessing the suitability of past parenting methods for today's children involves understanding how the concept of childhood and the world around us has evolved. Advances in technology, changes in societal norms, and a deeper understanding of child psychology have all played a role in reshaping the landscape of childhood. What worked in a world without smartphones, social media, and a growing emphasis on mental health may not hold the same relevance today.
The Shift in Knowledge and Awareness
One of the most compelling reasons to reconsider past parenting practices is the significant advancement in our understanding of child development and psychology. Research over the past few decades has provided:
Invaluable insights into the importance of emotional intelligence.
The impact of trauma.
The need for autonomy and validation in a child's development.
Practices that once were considered standard, such as strict discipline without explanation or the expectation that children should be "seen and not heard," have been shown to have potential long-term adverse effects on a child's emotional well-being.
The Influence of Technology
The digital age has transformed our children's world, presenting new challenges and opportunities that past generations did not encounter. Understanding screen time, online safety, and social media influence are just a few aspects of modern parenting that require a different approach. Relying solely on the parenting methods of the past may not equip parents to effectively guide their children through the complexities of the digital world.
Societal Changes and Global Awareness
Our children grow up in a more interconnected world where global awareness, diversity, and inclusivity are increasingly emphasized. The values and skills that will prepare them for success in this global environment may differ from those prioritized in the past. Encouraging openness, adaptability, empathy, and a broad understanding of different cultures and perspectives is more relevant than ever.
Individual Differences and the Need for Flexibility
Each child is unique, with their temperament, interests, and ways of interacting with the world. Recognizing and adapting to these individual differences is crucial. The one-size-fits-all approach to parenting often handed down from previous generations, may serve the specific needs of some children. Today, there is a greater emphasis on tailoring parenting styles to support each child's developmental, emotional, and educational needs.
Moving Forward with Intention
Acknowledging that different times call for different parenting approaches does not mean disregarding the value of the past. It involves taking the best of what we've learned from our upbringing—such as core values, traditions, and the importance of family bonds—and integrating this wisdom with contemporary understanding and context.
The goal is not to critique or dismiss how we were raised but to build upon it with an openness to learning and growing. By doing so, we can provide our children with the tools they need to successfully experience the challenges of today's world and remain resilient, empathetic, and flexible throughout their lives.
You may have been successfully parented with great love or effective discipline; however, while the intentions behind past parenting practices are timeless, the methods and approaches can benefit from adaptation. As we continue to learn and evolve, so too should our parenting, ensuring that we raise children who are well-equipped to thrive in the present and future.
Kimberley Arnett-DeSimone, a career pediatric occupational therapist in Huntersville, North Carolina, authored this post.
