Helping Children with Peer Pressure at Every Stage
As children grow, they wander the complex social landscapes of childhood, adolescence, and even early Adulthood, often encountering the formidable force of peer pressure. Can parents help their young children through the varied terrains of social pressure, ensuring they emerge with confidence and integrity intact? They can, and here are some valuable tips.
Understanding Peer Pressure
Peer pressure is the influence a peer group or person exerts in encouraging another person to change their attitudes, values, or behaviors to conform to their own or group norms. It's not always negative; positive peer pressure can inspire healthy habits, academic diligence, and kindness. Recognizing the difference is crucial.
Early Childhood (Ages 5-10)
In early childhood, peer pressure is often about belonging and acceptance. Children may feel pressured to play certain games, exclude others, or mimic behavior to fit in.
Model Positive Behavior: Be a role model for kindness, inclusivity, and assertiveness in your interactions. Be careful that you, as the parent, are not the first person to exert pressure on your child in a way that models peer pressure. Yes, as parents, we need to guide our children, and often this means direct intervention, but do so in a way that teaches rather than pressures.
Allow Open Communication: Encourage your child to talk about their day, including who they played with and how they felt during those interactions. Use these discussions as opportunities to address any concerns. Your child may not want to talk, so use your parent's "super-skills" to pick the right time or devise creative methods to get them talking about their interests and go from there.
Pre-Adolescence and Adolescence (Ages 11-18)
As children enter puberty, peer pressure can intensify, covering everything from academic competition to risky behaviors like experimenting with drugs or alcohol.
Build Self-Esteem: Engage your child in activities that bolster their confidence and sense of self. When children feel good about themselves, they're less likely to succumb to negative peer pressure. Your child will have personal power and purpose, and they will be less likely to need social validation from others.
Discuss Real-life Scenarios: Talk about hypothetical peer pressure situations and ask how they would respond. Discuss the potential consequences of various actions, emphasizing the importance of making healthy choices. Depending on the age, consider showing them social examples of "cause and effect" and how actions may have directly affected others, both good and bad.
Encourage Diverse Friendships: Expose your child to different social circles to help them appreciate a broad range of perspectives and reduce the intensity of peer pressure within any single group.
Young Adulthood (18+)
In young Adulthood, peer pressure evolves into pressures related to career choices, romantic relationships, and lifestyle decisions.
Support Independence: Encourage young adults to make decisions while offering your guidance and support. This empowers them to stand firm against social pressure in making life choices.
Discuss Life Skills: Ensure they have the practical life skills needed to feel competent in their independence, from financial literacy to healthy living habits.
Offer Unconditional Support: Let them know you are always there for them, regardless of their choices, and a safe space for open dialogue about any pressures they face. It's often difficult for parents to accept or support widely different viewpoints from their children as they mature, but as they mature so do we as parents.
Across All Ages
Cultivate Critical Thinking: Teach your children to question the motives behind certain group behaviors and consider their choices' long-term impact.
Stress the Value of Individuality: Celebrate your child's unique qualities and interests, reinforcing that standing out from the crowd is okay, as is belonging to groups.
Be Present: Your involvement in your child's life—attending their events, knowing their friends, and showing interest in their interests—builds a foundation of trust and open communication.
Peer pressure is a powerful force. By instilling values of assertiveness, critical thinking, and self-respect from an early age, parents can empower their children to make choices that reflect their true selves, regardless of external influences. Remember, your role as a parent is to guide them through these challenges, so they emerge as strong, independent thinkers capable of facing the world's pressures.
Kimberley Arnett-DeSimone, a career pediatric occupational therapist in Huntersville, North Carolina, authored this post.
A book recommendation for ideas that can spark healthy conversations with your child:
